Sunday, September 27, 2009

Hoping for a newer better me to emerge in the coming months!?

Not ever wanting to get my pics taken this one is a grandchild's idea of new hairstyle for me with my extra chin, wide middle and flabby arms!

this one is a little less weight but still big and hippo hips cant get into that shirt right now either!

Family reunion pic after the kids took me on a torture walk in the woods, sweat and all!
HENCE THE REASON BEHIND THIS AWFUL PICS IS THIS:
I am venturing back to a doctor supervised diet I had been on once before and lost 110 lbs on.
HarrisFast is a program that many don't know about because it is by word of mouth and two time kick off at the hospital a year drive for members. It is very regimented and precise, If you do not follow all given to you to do then you can be kicked out of it.blood TESTS ARE RUN REGULARLY AND BLOOD PRESSURE AND OF COURSE WEIGHT! UGH HATE THOSE BIG SCALES!
Last time I did so good because most of my eating time was at work and I was in a small room to drown out the outside world! This time I will be amongst scrappy friends who will be eating many other things outside of my box which will give me a challenge. but I know I can do it over bariatric surgery! That is just not in the cards for me!
I will also know I want to feel like I did skinnier now that I am back to where I started several years ago. I cant even walk right now with out pain and to those of you who know I fell the other day , not those pains they are on top of the pains of exercise..."NO PAIN NO GAIN" is what keeps going thru my head. But I do know it can get better than this and I hit it awhile back on Harris Fast, but then Life hit hard with mom and all the things that happen with Alzheimer's and I let lose of the better me and fell back into my avalanche world comforted by food.
NO MORE as This Monday will start me on my road of recovery and HOPE! I pray for God to talk to me and help me each step of the way so that I may live long enough to have other grand kids and hopefully some Daughter in laws along the way! God willing since He is the only one to know my path and where I am headed at this point, Just don't think it is the road I have been taking as of late!
enough Rambling on....
Have Great Day and Week !
Denise



I know I have only a few that watch my blog and I am gonna probably chase some of those away as I use this as one of my confidential parts of the things I have to write down daily...God is gonna be beside me and my husband is the sweet person to help me back into this money , heart and mind.


Tomorrow at 4:30 is my orientation to get into the restart program! Classes probably starting the 6Th of October! Please pray for him HUBBY as for I will try and cook under supervision some batch food for him as I take this year or more journey. Last time that is what it took to get just 110 lb off this large body off mass...We will see this time ..Jami hopefully will keep on me to walk with her more.

Friday, September 04, 2009

On this WEEK and DAY 20 yrs Ago!



It took my Aunt Doris my mom's twin to get me to look at this date as to why I am so down this week.


20 years ago today was my mother's death!


Dorcas Annette Cole passed away after a bout with cancer she had been in remission 3 years when it came back with a vengeance and she let us know the day before she left to be with our Heavenly Father that she could not fight it anymore that it was time to go home.


20 years ago this week


~a week prior to mom we buried my Dad...Stacy Lewis Haws after going in to the hospital with a heart attack and not making after surgery. Although they had been divorced 15 yrs they followed each other into Gods hands.


This is one of the hardest weeks in my life that I often subconsciously block this time of year but I always heck to be around. Had a good cry last night and felt somewhat better today but surrounded my day with family .


My Day!


Jami my daughter and I went for Sushi at lunch and the bike shop to get DH's bicycle fixed.


then went to try and get my hair cut but will try to get in early in the morning . cuz Tory the one I like is always booked for the day if you are not on her door step at 9am.


Then had supper with two of my favorite men Casey and Jeff at El Chico's.


This is more eating out than we have done in 2 weeks, I so love payday! Then home for Jeff to see the Cowboys so I am on the computer playing and pouring out my guts to the world!


Aunt Doris I Love you and know this is very hard on you with your twin gone, just know we know how hard it is and you are loved by your nieces!


Enough said and hope you have bright days on your horizons I know I am looking for them!


Till next time in Blog land....


Denise


PS....Please continue to pray for my nephew Wesley and family as he will have surgery at Cook's Children's Hospital Set. 21st unless it gets to bad to tolerate before then.


Thanks for the prayers said thus far we have felt them!

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Life around here!

Wesley and a fawn that came up one day!

Man I have been a bad blogger! Have gone and done several things since last on here....

1. the family Reunion was August 22nd at my Lil sis' house at the ranch!

2. HHH for DH was last weekend in Wichita Falls...They didn't train much for this so only went 50 miles and still got to them (remember when 100 mile was the only one they would do) DH says getting old stinks!

3. Wesley has started having complications with his drain tube and waiting on results to get back from Johns Hopkins as writing this...

4. Wesley made it through the first week of High school before bad times hit Friday!

(AWESOME!!!!)

5. gone to two crops and got very little done!


Now I am waiting for the new scrapbook store to open October 2nd ...... This is a biggy.


Go check out the blog and if you are in the Ft worth area of north Texas it has some wonderful people who will be over it. Including my favorite class team "Create Joy".


well life for me lately has been draggy!

I am not sure why but sometimes my depression is doing good and then there are times that all seems to get to me and lately it has been getting to me.

I am often wondering what has happened to the old me and the one that was so involved in everything! And I miss her.. Sometimes I feel I am getting back and then next second ready to hide my head in the sand again!

Life for me is so different this year, feelings are weird and non consistent to say the least. I know it drives Jeff insane at times especially when I cant tell him why! The Why is something I wish I knew! And here is hoping I get out of this soon cuz I am not liking the person viewing back at me in the mirror. As hard as I try to get focused on HIS wishes for me my inner me is fighting HIM I believe! So I am waiting patiently Hoping for HIS divine guidance.


Till next time which I hope will not be such a downer...

Keep Creating!

Denise